The Art of Animaling

Friday, December 22, 2006

i hate Santa

I'm getting tired of that banner...change it quick bee!

Daniel's gone back to see his parents for Christmas. It's gonna be me alone here. I was dreading spending Christmastime alone, but meh...decided that it'd be a good time to do some reflection stuff. Especially since I've been charging headfirst through life at a pretty rapid speed.

I have a sneaky suspicion that my brain's been trying to avoid some stuff. Like, sitting down and taking a really good look at my life at this point. Something's telling me that it's time to whip out that magnifying glass and inspecting the little nooks and crannies. Hmm, time for some kicking back and good old pondering.

Just as well eh, since it's the new year and new beginnings yadda yadda. Need to do some long overdue sorting out and organising.

So, come Christmas Eve I'll be working. If I was home, I'd be at church, having the usual turkey and potluck lunch with a bunch of people I hardly know. Yeh. Church. With strangers. Not that I don't like church. I like it there, some place that I feel...I was gonna say comfortable, but that's not entirely true.

You see, how we (i.e. family) got into this whole thing was like a huge ass shebang of tragedies, tears, ooh my saviour, songs of praise and hymns, fellowship, bible study, youth camp, God bless you ROWRRRRRRRRRR!!! It was like being hit by a bullet train. Then wham! and whoaaaaa I needed to take a step back and rethink the whole situation.

And since then, I never really got back into the loop. So now I'm hanging on a limbo. Just there, but not quite there. Almost perhaps?
And I'm secretly content with that. Not so secret anymore now.

I'd rather not pretend to BE something I don't believe, thanks very much. So, cut back on all those cajoling and encouraging and seriously, brainwashing. I don't need those stuff.

When the time calls, I'll be there. Doesn't matter if I'm prepared or not. He takes you whatever way you are in whatever shape you come. When the time comes for me to fully embrace it (or not, I don't know), I'll make the decision then.

When it comes to religion and stuff, don't let others preach at you. Hey, it's between yourself and the big guy, ain't it?

My brain is leaking.

Ok, this stems partly from an e-mail from Mom. An opportunity to be an assistant writer for some magazine? Something like that. Maybe it's a way for me to get more involved with church. Make friends at church. But seriously? I have to go halves here. Half the time I feel nice and good and comfy and all that in church cuz of the whole Godly thing and I let myself get swept up in it and sometimes I doubt it but...that's another point. The other half, I feel UNcomfortable because church people...are very judgmental. Ok, I'm not going to elaborate on that last bit lest I harm some feelings.

Then. There's that whole thing on the news yesterday evening. Some parents got annoyed and angry at this school for telling their kids that Santa is not real. And the community was outraged because "santa is the spirit of Christmas how can you say he's not real" blablablabullshit.

Are you missing the real reason for Christmas? Are you missing the REAL SPIRIT of Christmas?

The first Christmas family was in a manger sans Santa, sans presents, sans stuffed turkey with cranberry sauce, sans fucking hohohoMerryChristmasbullshit. It's not about jingle bells, dude.

And it certainly isn't about that obese pasty white man in a red suit. He's not THE big guy.

Get real.




Now I'm going to stop being preachy (hey ho! I'm a hypocrite) and start being happy.

Countdown: 17 days!!!!! *extra wide smile with some bum wiggling* =D

by CharSiu at 2:41 PM |