The Art of Animaling

Thursday, September 07, 2006

I've got a case of the blahs

It's already September. September 7, 2006, Thursday.

A year ago, I was playing maple and failing uni.
Two years ago, I was in my first semester at QUT and miserably homesick.
Three years ago, I was completing my Diploma and earning my own dosh.
Four years ago, I was dumped, but learnt to love again.
Five years ago, I was taking SPM and leaving school.

I look back at those times, so different from where I am now. This future of mine, it keeps changing and shifting. I am still envisioning the same thing since I was a kid, but the picture has always been hazy, blurry, vague. I've always only sort of known what I want to do/be, but there has never been a time that I've felt certain about my future. The only thing I knew for sure was the desire to be successful.

Over time, this picture of success has been taken apart, reconstructed, scrutinised, repainted and hung up on the wall a million times over. And in a million ways over too. I admire people who know exactly what they want to be and exactly what they have to do to achieve that, then set out to realise their dreams. How come it's so easy for some people, huh? Grr, lucky bastards.

...

Ok, the bf kacau me on msn and I've lost my train of thoughts.

What I wanted to say is. I'm almost done with uni and I'm still grappling with my wants and needs. Wtf man, I'm 22 this year and I still feel like a freaking kid. A kid living off her parents' money and la-dee-dah-ing around. What happened to the independent and organised me? I am getting lazier by the day. Shit. I miss my old self.

Looking back at how far I've come, it's not very far at all. Just a lot of effort wasted in between, not to mention a whole chunk of time too. If I didn't delay that half year, I'd have been working for almost a year by now. If I didn't screw up that other half year, I'd be sending out resumes by now. So many things I could have done, but didn't. And the excuse I use is "I'm not sure, let's just see how things go". I allowed myself to float along, while everyone else already had both their feet planted firmly somewhere.

I guess it's time for me to stop dreaming, jump off those fluffy clouds and start walking on real ground. Seeing how things are, I might have to make a sprint too.




Time is moving so fast and I can't seem to keep up. I must hurry along or get left behind. Week 8 into uni, that's half the semester gone. I don't love this place, but I'll miss the things I've grown accustomed to. Bleh.

The only good thing about time whizzing past me is that I'll be seeing you again. =)

Speaking of you, when are you gonna blog again huh? *insert F3 maple emoticon*

by CharSiu at 4:18 PM |